Who exactly is the “Carefree Black Girl?”

Who exactly is the “Carefree Black Girl?”

Interesting read.

Share your thoughts and comments below!

Always remember: You are Fearfully, Wonderfully and “Beautifully mane.”

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Chivalry vs. Desperation… Is chivalry REALLY DEAD?

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“Chivalry is dead.”… Ugh. I think I have heard this phrase ONE too many times. Im exhausted.

A couple weeks ago, I was hanging out with one of my male best friend, who, disclaimer: is SO respectful and such a gentleman… I love him to life. As we were leaving his apartment building one day, and we were walking through the parking lot as he was preparing to walk me to my car, as he typically does. Car hold held open and all.

This particular instance, he decided to only walk me halfway; reason being, his car was only a few steps away.

“Okay, my car is right here. Bye, Lizz!” He says.

… pump the brakes. I say,“Wait, aren’t you going to walk me to my car?” Mind you it was only a few steps away.  He proceeds to shout… “No, I am not your man!”

Record scratches. Hold up. Wait a minute… Did he REALLY just say that?

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I stood there in utter shock. I could not believe he just said this to me.

Did I do something wrong? Was he mad at me? What did I do to deserve this?

So many thoughts began to rush into my mind, as I decided to get into my car and “slam” the door, as he referred to it as. (I didn’t slam… I just closed it really hard. 😉

 Okay yes, my car was only a few steps away. Yes, I got in my car safely and you were watching the whole time… but DARNIT, I wanted my car door held open! You could have walked me a few more steps! It wouldn’t have hurt.

This experience really got me thinking… What happened to chivalry? Why don’t men go out of their way to be a gentleman anymore? Is there a difference between what is considered chivalrous, and what is considered “desperation”?

Is chivalry really dead?

 As I proceeded to go home… I began to brainstorm a little more…logically, as I cooled down a bit. “Wait… well, what is chivalry? Why is it so important? Why do we hold it so dear to our hearts? Are the gender roles reversed now in todays society? How often should a man hold the door open? Should he always text you to make sure you got home safe? Should he always pick you up from your house on the first date? What if he is a creeper and you don’t want him to know where you live?”

Once I got home, I decided to put on my thinking cap and conduct a little bit of research.. I came across a very compelling article on elitedaily.com entitled “Why chivalry is dead, from a man’s perspective.” ( Source: http://elitedaily.com/dating/sex/why-chivalry-is-dead-from-a-mans-perspective/)

One of the excerpts went on to state:

“The real problem here is that women, for one reason or another, have become complacent and allowed men to get away with adhering to the bare minimum.

If you take a girl out and show her you’re more than some douche looking to just get in her pants, odds are, you’re going to get a second date, at least. Call me old fashioned, but a nice dinner is worth the money to get to know someone to some extent. If I take you out to a nice dinner, it’s because I’m a nice guy, and I am looking forward to spending time with you somewhere other than the bedroom.”

Interesting, right. 

The definition Chivalry is courteous behavior; especially that of a man to a woman. Some synonyms for chivalry are gentlemanliness, politeness, courteousness, graciousness, etc. Acts that people tend to consider “chivalrous” coming from men are opening her door, pulling out her chair at dinner, starting her car and cleaning off the snow when its cold, paying for dates, etc. Chivalrous acts, while they appear to be minute, are important to women when it comes to dating and relationships because they say alot about a mans character. Acts of chivalry show not only how much thought a man puts into his gestures, but how much thought he actually puts into a WOMAN.

In the hookup culture we now live in, cultivated by the “microwave”, “Ive got to have it now” mindset, it seems to be apparent that chivalry is slowly dying. And I might have to agree with the fact that men are not exactly the culprit. Its my belief as women, sometimes we don’t expect chivalry because it never happens. 

Now, usually when I go on a date with someone, I automatically have certain standards. I expect them to hold doors open, pull my chair out, let me order first at dinner, let me walk ahead of them and pay for the meal, ticket, event, etc. Not too much to ask… right?

There was one instance in which I was going on a date with a man I had admired for a very long time. The plan was for us to meet at a movie theatre, see Titanic in 3D and decide what we may do afterwards. What happens on this date? I meet the gentleman at the movie theatre, only to find that he was already SEATED in the theatre waiting for me.

Strike one.

He didn’t offer me any snacks, drinks… or even really acknowledge me during and after the movie.

Strike two.

He asked me if I could drop him home.

Strike three.

I dropped him off at his place, and as I am driving I realize he seemed to have stolen my Rihanna CD. Her Unapologetic album. Legit.

Strike 52.

Needless to say, that date wasn’t very chivalrous. And no, there absolutely was not a second date. Now does one experience shape your entire mindset of how men approach dates, and how chivalry is concerned? Absolutely not. But since when did this become the norm?

We live in a day and age in which gender equality is strongly desired. We want equal pay, we want to looked at as equal to men and we now have a voice. Yet, there is a gap between what women expect as far as dates and relationships go, and how their work life and professional life is concerned. So, if I start cooking for my man more often, is he going to start holding more car doors open for me? Do I have to be a stay at home wife and mother JUST to get a good man?

So the question remains… Is chivalry DEAD? Is there a difference between chivalry and desperation? Are women afraid of being feminine? Are we afraid of having standards? 

Just a little food for thought. Share your thoughts and comments below!

Also: There will be a version of this post linked onto http://www.stephanspeaks.com. Ill make sure to post when its published.

Ta Ta, for now!

Photo on 1-31-14 at 2.57 PM #2

Always remember: You are Fearfully, Wonderfully and “Beautifully mane.”

Light Skin vs. Dark skin: Are we at Race War with OURSELVES?

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So, I came across a very compelling article the other day on the web. It was entitled, “10 Unnacceptable cycles Black People have to change.” I will make sure to have the link will be posted below.
The title immediately grabbed my attention, I had to see what this was all about! Scrolling through the list, I saw the cliche stereotypes that our race does seem to hold true such as poverty, crime, sexual promiscuity (For clarification, I am not saying other cultures cannot be held accountable to these stereotypes as well), etc. I came across the eighth thing on the list which was as follows: “Intra racial discrimination”.
Below its title, it stated “We are one community made of up various colors. At no time should we place one complexion over another. Without divisiveness, we are a force.”
 
Powerful. I began to ponder… what did they mean by this? I immediately began to think of all of the “Light skin” vs. “Dark skin” memes I have been witnessing lately. Are we at a stage in our history in which one complexion within black culture gets preferential treatment over the other? Interesting, right.
To fully understand intraracial discrimination and the skin color paradox/color complex within the African American community is an issue that I not only feel very strongly about, but it needs to be addressed.

The United States of America is known WORLDWIDE as the melting pot, made up of various cultures, races, religions, and backgrounds. While in some cultures, diversity isn’t typically embraced as freely, but here? We embrace it, we live it. And it hasn’t always been this way, especially in African American culture.

From the time period in which slavery was abolished, to the Civil Rights movement, to electing our FIRST EVER African American president of the United States, our country has come a long way. Although racism, as we know it, is still present, it is not necessarily PREVALENT. But there is a question that comes to mind… What is the actual meaning behind “racism?”

Sure, there is Racism as we know it, which can be defined by Google as “The belief that all members of each Race possess characteristics or abilities specific to that Race, esp. so as to distinguish it as inferior or superior to another race or races.” This includes stereotypes against races, discriminating against other races, religions, or others who we think are drastically different than us, in a way that we are not accustomed to.
 Historically, you could argue that lighter skinned African-Americans get preferential treatment over darker skinned African-Americans, because they are seen as being closer to white. Unfortunately lighter people have received preferential treatment throughout the years, especially when it comes to educational, employment, and social opportunities. This standard that light-skinned people are treated better than other complexions has inevitably created a divisive skin color paradox, with serious psychological repercussions.
For example, this whole “Light skins be like” and “Dark skins be like” trend on Instagram and other social media avenues. Sure, this trend started off as jokes that DO IN FACT hold truth, but are we discriminating against our own race?
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If I see a African American of a lighter complextion in passing, do I automatically assume they don’t reply to texts, or are more emotional? Is it meant to be light hearted, or is it new age racism?
And don’t even get me started on this whole Drake thing. Saying he’s emotional because he’s light skinned, or that he’s “soft” and everything. Again, these assumptions and stereotypes do hold some truth to them, but when is enough ENOUGH? Are we taking these jokes too far? Is someone bound to get offended? Is it fair to say that we are discriminating against our OWN RACE?
There is no right or wrong answer to this never-ending question; just facts, thoughts, feelings and emotions.  This topic has been heavy on my heart and I would love to hear your comments and thoughts below.
Are we at a race war with ourselves?
Thanks guys!
Always remember: You are Fearfully, Wonderfully and “Beautifully mane.”